Nelson, L. C.
“Elmshaven,” St. Helena, California
September, 1901
Portions of this letter are published in AH 178-179. +NoteOne or more typed copies of this document contain additional Ellen White handwritten interlineations which may be viewed at the main office of the Ellen G. White Estate.
Dear brother Nelson,—
I have something to say in reference to your case. You are not in all respects qualified for a position in connection with a sanitarium. You do not in all things properly represent the truth. You are liable to speak harshly and to create disagreeable feelings in the minds of those with whom you transact business. You do not properly control your words and actions. You are not living as it is your privilege as a Christian to live. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 1
For years your married life has been of a character that has made your home life objectionable. You have created a malarious atmosphere in your home. Constant criticism quenches love. Instead of being kind and courteous and forbearing, you have exercised an arbitrary spirit, making others unhappy. Thus you have displeased your heavenly Father. Criticism does no good. You cannot cause your wife to love you, nor can you make her happy in your society, when so frequently you are disagreeable, exacting, and faultfinding. The malarious atmosphere that you create is more deleterious to heart and brain than is a malarious climate to physical health. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 2
Your labor does not always bear the right stamp. You often create trouble, when none ought to exist. In the heavenly books you have a record that you will not care to meet. You need a new heart, a new mind. When by learning of Jesus Christ you become meek and lowly of heart, you will be a man that is converted. Christ’s promise is, “A new heart also will I give you.” [Ezekiel 36:26.] 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 3
Why do you continue in an unconverted state? Why have you so often worried your wife with your criticism? Mary has a mind and a will of her own. She cannot consent to have her mind submerged in another’s mind, or her will controlled by another’s will. She has an individuality that must be respected. True, she does not stand faultless before God. She has been provoked and, in her turn, has been provoking. Both of you are at fault. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 4
My brother, the Lord cannot approve of your course and attitude toward your wife. Your harsh, dictatorial spirit excites wrong feelings in her heart and strengthens her objectionable traits of character. Both of you must change. Your spirit of faultfinding must be entirely overcome, else you cannot see the kingdom of God. Both your wife and yourself need a spiritualized humaneness that never blames the erring, but always pities them. Then you will have more heavenly fellowship, and more compassion and love for one another. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 5
My brother, you esteem yourself too highly. You are altogether too much impressed with your supposed masterly ability. Your children usually find refuge in their mother’s compassionate arms, rather than in their father’s arms. I must speak the truth. I am saddened indeed by the thought that it will be a difficult matter for you to reform. But if you save your soul, you must reform. Look well to your principles of action. If you should see in another person defects similar to your own, you would have sufficient insight to distinguish between right and wrong. But when it comes to your own defects, you are nearly blind. You have not wholly lost your spiritual eyesight, for you sometimes reflect and feel ashamed of yourself. But you do not sufficiently appreciate spiritual things. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 6
Christ sacrificed His precious, spotless life, that He might place humanity, erring and sinful though it is, upon vantage ground by clothing with His robe of righteousness—His merits—the repentant sinner seeking pardon. He has made it possible for you to live a clean, practical Christian life. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 7
You are in need of conversion. You are often harsh to those with whom you are associated in labor. To many persons you are often coarse and rough in your speech. You are constitutionally imperious. You are not in possession of the Christlike sympathy that should be manifested toward those in need of encouragement. You should cultivate the Christian graces of charity and gentleness. Now, just now, you need the grace of God. It is for your present good and eternal interest closely to examine yourself, whether you be in the faith. Prove your own self; for unless Jesus Christ is abiding in your heart, your speech is objectionable. You are called upon to repent and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 8
My brother, is it not time that you take yourself in hand? You have intelligence and could do good service if you would. If you could but see the course that you could and should pursue, you would realize how strangely it differs from the course that you are pursuing. I have an intense desire for your soul’s salvation. But is it possible for any one to enter the pearly gates of the heavenly city, unless he is obedient to God’s requirements? 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 9
If you choose, you can be pleasant. You are largely to blame yourself for the mistake that you have made. Words of tenderness and sympathy to your wife would have been wholly appropriate and would have had an excellent influence upon her. She has been soured by the manifestation of superiority that has been a marked feature of your conduct. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 10
The world is the Lord’s photograph gallery. We are all having our likenesses taken. Should anything go amiss in the home life, you and your wife should not refuse to concede your ideas and opinions to each other. You think that such concessions are humiliating, but Christians often have to give up their way. If while professing to be Christians we do not reveal a Christlike character in word and deed, by patience, kindness, and courtesy, we might as well acknowledge that we are like the tree that did not bear good fruit. If we do not bear the fruits of the Spirit, we are not trees of righteousness. Every tree is known by the fruit that it bears. My brother, how can believers and unbelievers judge you, except by your fruit? As a professing Christian, you should bear the fruits of the Spirit. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 11
On every side are avenues leading from the right path and inviting our entrance. No persons are more exposed to temptation than are those who think that they are in no danger. They are impatient at hearing the words of caution and counsel that the Lord may move upon those who are spiritual to say in order to restore them in the spirit of meekness, considering themselves lest they also be tempted. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 12
One of Satan’s snares is to cover over defects of character. He leads some to think that their usefulness hides their defects. My brother, the question with you is, Do you see that you need to be changed? Separate yourself from yourself; for you are in positive peril unless you discern your wrong course sufficiently to make decided efforts to live a new life. If you seek the Lord, He will help and strengthen you, causing you to see that you are not doing those things that as a Christian you ought to do. Change your course of action. Only when following Jesus are you worthy of the name of Christian. You can do much better if you will to do so. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 13
In your position of trust you may be a useful man. But in performing your duties in connection with the Sanitarium, you are not manifesting to all the spirit of a courteous Christian gentleman. You bring into the institution the same criticizing, overbearing disposition that you manifest in your home. Remember that criticism never encourages love, but quenches it. You need to cultivate continually a Christlike spirit. Seek the Lord in prayer. Put away everything that is not after His character. Praise His name with thanksgiving. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 14
To a certain degree, a knowledge of self is necessary to conversion. The truth of God that has been spoken in the Sanitarium Chapel has come close home to your soul. Again and again you have said to yourself, “This means me, and I will change my course of action.” But you have not obeyed the Word of God and His law. Why have you not set your soul right, through the imparted mercy and grace of Jesus Christ? 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 15
The Word of God makes distinct and plain the duties that devolve upon the husband and the wife. It teaches the relations that should exist between parents and children. Those who claim to be servants of God are under the most solemn obligation to take into consideration the example that they set before their children. Amid the increasing wickedness in the world, their influence should be most sacred. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 16
It is not in an individual, solitary life that one shows himself to be a man. When a person understands the responsibility of his position as husband and father, the realization of his duties as the head of a family is a strong incentive to him to fulfil his responsibility. He will withstand all temptations that assail him, because he realizes that in the Lord’s sight he is standing as a priest in his household. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 17
Whether a father be rich or poor, high or low, he has responsibilities that he cannot evade. As a Christian, he is to watch and pray, guarding himself on every point lest he shall become careless and not do his full duty to his wife and children. He is to keep his soul in communion with God. He is to realize that his children, with their favorable or unfavorable temperaments, are to be molded and fashioned in order that they may develop characters that the Lord can approve. He himself must be under the molding influence of the Holy Spirit. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 18
Although trials may arise in the married life, the husband and the wife are to keep their souls in the love of God. The father should look upon the mother of his children as one deserving of all kindness, tenderness, and sympathy. During their earlier years his children will necessarily be dependent on their mother’s care. The father should ever be ready to share this responsibility. Not a word of censure in regard to the mother should pass his lips in the hearing of the children. Not one disrespectful word in regard to her husband should the mother speak in the presence of the children. Pray to God. Take in the situation. Realize that you should mutually share the responsibility of training your children. What a sacred union marriage should be! How judiciously the children should be trained! 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 19
The Christian husband and wife each may have the same hope in Jesus Christ. Both are amenable to God; both are under one Master. In the highest sense they should be as a brother and a sister to each other, undivided in spirit, serving one Lord and Master. 16LtMs, Lt 198, 1901, par. 20