Zelinsky, Brother and Sister [F.]
“Elmshaven,” St. Helena, California
April 7, 1902
Portions of this letter are published in AH 94-96. +NoteOne or more typed copies of this document contain additional Ellen White handwritten interlineations which may be viewed at the main office of the Ellen G. White Estate.
Dear brother and sister Zelinsky,—
I have words to speak to you. You have united with each other in a lifelong covenant, and your education in married life has begun. My brother, you are no longer to live to yourself. You and your wife are to blend as one. But you are not to lose your individuality in each other. God owns the individuality He has entrusted to you. His will is to be your will. Of Him you are to ask, What is right? what is wrong? For what purpose was I created? 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 1
“Ye are not your own; for ye are bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” [1 Corinthians 6:19, 20.] You are to live for Him who gave His life for you. Your love for that which is human is to be secondary to your love for God. The wealth of your souls’ affection is to flow forth to Him whose you are by creation and by redemption. Living in God, the soul sends forth its best and highest affections to Him who made it, giving Him firm and willing service. Is your greatest outflow of love toward Him who has purchased you with His own life? If it is, your love for each other will be after the divine order. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 2
The first year of married life is a year of experience, a year in which husband and wife learn each other’s different traits of character as a child learns a lesson in school. In your life-connection, your affections are to be tributary to each other’s happiness. Constantly you are to reveal unselfishness, each acting his part to minister to the happiness of the other. This is the will of God concerning you. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 3
Affection may be as clear as crystal and beauteous in its purity. Yet it may be shallow, because it has not been tested and tried. As your love and faith in Christ increase, your affections will deepen and widen and strengthen. Spiritual life is progressive. As we behold Christ, our love for Him becomes daily deeper and stronger as it is submitted to the proof of trial. “We all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory”—from character to character—“even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” [2 Corinthians 3:18.] 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 4
In this life we are to improve every opportunity for learning what claims God has upon us. Thus we grow to the full stature of men and women in Christ. Paul writes, “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” [1 Corinthians 13:11.] When this is our experience, the conversation will not be deficient in knowledge, as in the days of childish inexperience. The imperfect, childish knowledge is no longer seen. Higher and still higher attainments are reached in spiritual growth and understanding. The conception of the grace of the Spirit of God is not governed by childish ignorance, but by Christlike development. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 5
Will you each remember that in this life it is your privilege to gain a preparation for the future life? Much is at stake with us individually. Not only are we to covet earnestly the possession of the best gifts offered to us in Christ, but we are to remember that these precious gifts are to fit us for usefulness in this life. To every man God has given a sphere of usefulness, and He desires all to improve their opportunities, their privileges, and their capabilities, that they may obtain a deeper and still deeper experience, and thus be enabled to glorify God. We are to repress every evil inclination by availing ourselves of the possibility of being partakers of the divine nature. Thus we are to escape the corruption that is in the world through lust. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 6
There is no more reason for strife among the people of God as to who shall be greatest than there is reason for strife among the members of the body as to which shall be greatest. Christians are members of Christ’s body, and there is to be between them no division or contention. All are to have one common interest. All are to co-operate with Christ in the great, grand work of restoring in man the moral image of God. Every Christian will strive to work out his own salvation, the salvation of his family, and the salvation of those with whom he is associated. This is the work devolving upon all. Those who are regardless of their God-given responsibility in this life will find no place in the redeemed family in the kingdom of God. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 7
The highest usefulness of the human agent consists not so much in the possession of talents as in his use of these talents in and through the sanctified influence of the Holy Spirit. He is to perform his duties with exactitude. Let him not forget to put his talents to the best use, lest in the books of heaven there is found the record, “Unfaithful servant.” 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 8
God wants every one to discharge his duty according to the knowledge he daily gains in righteousness. Every one is to be a true worker with Jesus Christ for the saving of his own soul. Endowments are of value in proportion as they are improved, in proportion as they are used by their possessor in the effort to be and to do good. The Christian is to set a Christlike example. He is to be a blessing to others by the way in which he trades upon his God-given talents. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 9
To obtain the greatest blessing for himself and his fellow men the Christian worker must seek Christ in earnestness and sincerity. He is to recognize Christ as the Master-worker and labor under His direction. Christ has purchased every human being. We are His property. By His right as Creator and Redeemer, He claims our service. We are to consecrate ourselves to Him. To do otherwise is to rob Him of His due. To refuse to do the work He has given us to do, as His helping hand, is to dishonor God. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 10
You now have duties that you did not have before your marriage. “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering.” [Colossians 3:12.] “Walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savor. ... Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.” [Ephesians 5:2, 22-29.] 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 11
No one who is consecrated to God will use these words to excuse a masterly, dictatorial spirit. When the first part of this message is accepted, the latter part will come in naturally. There will be no lording it over each other. If the husband and wife are sanctified to God, body, soul, and spirit, they will not try to turn aside from the strong, definite lines of duty laid down in the Word of God. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 12
Husband and wife are to recognize each other’s rights. Both are to cultivate a grateful, submissive spirit. The husband is not to think that his wife has no rights. He is not to forget that she has an individuality that is not to be submerged in any one else. He is to respect his wife’s individuality. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 13
Marriage, a union for life, is a symbol of the union between Christ and His church. The spirit that Christ manifests toward His church is the spirit that the husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. If they love God supremely, they will love each other in the Lord, ever treating each other courteously, drawing in even cords. In their mutual self-denial and self-sacrifice, they will be a blessing to each other. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 14
Family religion is a wonderful power. The conduct of the husband toward the wife and of the wife toward the husband may be such that it will make the home life a preparation for entrance to the family above. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 15
My brother and sister, you are not to try to compel each other to do as you wish. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love. Both of you have strong will power. You may exercise this power in a way that will make you a great blessing to each other. And, by yielding to self, you may exercise it in a way that will be a curse. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 16
Neither husband nor wife is to make a plea for rulership. The Lord has laid down the principle that is to guide in this matter. The husband is to cherish his wife as Christ cherishes His church. And the wife, in her turn, is to show respect for her husband. Both are to cherish the precious spirit of kindness, being determined never to grieve or injure each other. My brother, as a husband, you must be patient, kind, and forbearing. Never are you to domineer over your wife. You have strong will power, but you are not to exercise this to compel your wife to do as you wish her to do. You must remember that she has a will, and that she may wish to have her way as much as you wish to have yours. Remember, too, that you are older than she is, and that you have the advantage of your wider experience. “The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruit.” [James 3:17.] 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 17
Before a man connects with any one as closely as men and women are connected in the marriage relation, he should learn to deal with his own mind and with the minds of others. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 18
Both of you need to be converted. Neither of you has a proper idea of the meaning of obedience to God. Study the words, “He that is not with me is against me, and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.” [Matthew 12:30.] I sincerely hope that you will both become true children of God, servants to whom He can entrust responsibilities. Then peace and confidence and faith will come to you. Yes, you may both be happy, consistent Christians. Cultivate keenness of perception, that you may know how to choose the good and refuse the evil. Make the Word of God your study. The Lord Jesus wants you to be saved. He has wonderfully preserved you, my brother, that your life may be one of usefulness. Bring all the good works possible into it. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 19
Unless you have an earnest desire to become children of God, you will not understand clearly how to help each other. To each other ever be tender and thoughtful, giving up your own wishes and purposes to make each other happy. Day by day you may make advancement in self-knowledge. Day by day you may learn better how to strengthen your weak points of character. The Lord Jesus will be your light, your strength, your crown of rejoicing, because you yield the will to His will. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 20
My sister, you need the subduing grace of God in your heart. Do not desire a life of ease and inactivity. All who are connected with the Lord’s work must be constantly on guard against selfishness. Keep your lamp trimmed and burning. Then you will not be reckless of your words and actions. You will both be happy if you try to please each other. Keep the windows of the soul closed earthward and opened heavenward. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 21
Men and women may reach a high standard, if they will but acknowledge Christ as their personal Saviour. Watch and pray, making a surrender of all to God. The knowledge that you are striving for eternal life will strengthen and comfort you both. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 22
In thought, in word, in action, you are to be lights in the world. Discipline yourselves in the Lord; for He has committed to you sacred trusts, which you cannot properly fulfil without this discipline. By believing in Jesus, you are not only to save your own souls, but by precept and example you are to seek to save other souls. Take Christ as your pattern. Hold Him up as the One who can give you power to overcome. Utterly destroy the root of selfishness. Magnify God; for you are His children. Glorify your Redeemer, and He will give you a place in His kingdom. 17LtMs, Lt 57, 1902, par. 23