Diary Fragments
St. Helena, California
February 2 - May 10, 1902
This manuscript is published in entirety in 18MR 211-216.
February 2, 1902
St. Helena, California
I have much that I should be thankful for this day. I am at home, and I praise the Lord for His great goodness in keeping me from harm. Again I am in my own home. We are having some cold weather, but no blizzards; some fog a portion of the day. It is not really fog, but the sky is hazy. I am not sleeping well. I am speaking before congregations in my visions in the night season. Many are represented to me as all ready to hear in new places where the truth has not been. What shall we answer in that day to our Redeemer, for our neglect is made apparent. Wherever there is a church organized in any place, they are to be educated by men of God’s appointment to win others to the truth. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 1
February 3, 1902
St. Helena
I thank the Lord I am in my own home. I am still suffering with throat and lungs and heart difficulty. I have an urgent invitation to occupy rooms in the house I built and sold to the Sanitarium on the hillside. The rooms I occupied as my own are now to be used by me if I will accept them and take treatment at the Sanitarium. But this is not an easy thing to do. Here are my workers in the office I have built to accommodate them. Should I leave, the work could not be carried on successfully. I appreciate the favor so kindly presented to me. I shall make every effort that I think in my weak condition I can bear. I have decided to remain in my own home, if I can do so, until I am strong enough to ride in my carriage to the Sanitarium and take treatment, which I cannot possibly do just now. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 2
I have at the present time an indistinct voice. I can talk but a few words, then no sound comes. This is singular for me, but my workers need me where they are at work, that I can, even in my feebleness, prepare work for them. I have much written. I dare not give myself up to receive thorough treatment, for this could not be and I continue my writing. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 3
There is such a thing as overdoing the personal treatment given to sick persons. Quietude, rest, sleep, careful diet, cheerful surroundings, and plenty of sleep will be essential. Sleep I cannot obtain as I would. I carry far too intense an interest for souls that know the truth and are out of the way. I am deeply moved by the consideration that there are many cases who need words of counsel, reproof, exhortation; many are not growing up into Christ, seeking His favor and strength from His strength, and many need encouragement. I am unable to sleep often past twelve o’clock. I retire between seven o’clock and eight. My heart is drawn out in deep, earnest desire to see and understand what is my lot and place for me to occupy. Next November 26 I shall be seventy-five years old. I praise God for my memory and my reason, even in my infirmities. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 4
February 3 [4?], 1902
St. Helena
Slept until half-past twelve o’clock. My mind is constantly exercised upon subjects which concern our spiritual welfare, preparatory for uniting with the royal family above. Solemn and weighty facts are to be considered by Seventh-day Adventists as a people. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 5
February 9, 1902
St. Helena
I cannot sleep after half-past twelve o’clock. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 6
March 1, 1902
St. Helena
I am this morning unable to sleep after two o’clock. I am very much exercised upon the subject of unity of heart and of soul, one with another. When Christ has given us so much instruction upon this point, what can the human agent say that can make an impression if the Great Teacher’s lessons are disregarded? What can they mean to practice in their spirit and service, contrary to the teachings of Christ, to break up and not unify? 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 7
I am pained at heart when I consider how much Christ is dishonored by this disregard of His teachings. The Lord Jesus hath spoken and, in His prayer to His Father, presented the result of unity and love of brethren in the impression made upon the unbelieving world. Shall we then repent and be doers of the words of Christ and cultivate love, true courtesy, and gentleness, giving respect to the Lord’s purchased possession, and demonstrating the truthfulness of the words of Christ? John 17:20-24. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 8
I would be pleased if I could attend the meeting in the Sanitarium chapel, but as yet I dare not venture to speak to the people. I am trusting faith to be confirmed in my health, that I may yet bear my testimony as I have done in the past. I am waiting, praying, watching thereunto. We are admonished, “Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving. ... Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” [Colossians 4:2, 5, 6.] 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 9
Salvation through Jesus Christ is an individual experience. We are not to make the mistake that we are Christians unless we are daily practicing Christlikeness in character. If we have Christ abiding in the soul by faith, the experience is of a character that speech will be after the pattern of Christ. If we have brought along into the religious profession the sharp speeches, the quick temper in unsanctified speech, we misrepresent Christ and put Him to shame; and we need to be converted, for we dishonor the name of Christian. The words of those who speak unadvisedly corrupt themselves and others. Such men and women cannot carry their wicked, unsanctified characters into heaven. Then shall we not cut away everything of the kind? Shall we not realize we must be converted? 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 10
“The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul.” [Psalm 19:7.] Faith may claim complete cleansing, growing into the likeness and beauty of Christ’s character. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 11
March 30, 1902
“Elmshaven,” St. Helena
I praise the Lord this morning. I have awakened at two o’clock, the usual hour of awaking for some time, and now I thought I must change this order of things, for I cannot keep up this way, writing so early. I become sleepy in the daytime and yet cannot sleep usually, but I did sleep yesterday afternoon. (Psalm 103), this is the language of my heart: 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 12
“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is
Within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities:
Who healeth all thy diseases:
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction;
Who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
So that thy youth is renewed like the eagles’s.” [Verses 1-5.] 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 13
I have a thankful heart that my heavenly Father is attentive to the wants of those who seek Him. I want my mind stayed upon God. I want His Holy Spirit to rest upon me. I want to honor the Lord daily. We need a deeper sense of the grace of God. All our ministers need deep searching of heart. They need to seek the Lord in humility of soul. The work of grace carried forward intelligently reveals itself in works that are righteous. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 14
I have a message that the Lord has given me for His people: Let every family solemnly seek the Lord. Let every family consider Psalm 100. Let fathers and mothers awaken to a sense of their individual responsibility. “Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands. ... Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His name. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting; and His truth endureth to all generations.” [Verses 1, 4, 5.] 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 15
How simple is all this instruction! Psalm 101. We need to work diligently. We have no time to squander foolishly. We have a heaven to win and eternal life to gain. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 16
I know not how long my life may be spared, but this is a matter over which I have not a control. I long for Christ’s appearing. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 17
April 1, 1902
St. Helena
I have not slept after two o’clock. I am praying to my heavenly Father that He would arouse the church members that they may understand their accountability and responsibility to God. Medical missionary work is mingled with so much that is selfish and not true according to the appellation that I am seriously burdened. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 18
*****
We are having some showers—misting rain that is good for the land. I cannot sleep after twelve p.m. I have improved in strength. My voice is not hopelessly lost. It is coming to me again gradually, thank the Lord. Oh my soul, praise His holy name. I am encouraged. I shall yet have speech before the great congregation. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 19
April 19, 1902
St. Helena, California
Spoke in the Sanitarium chapel. Colossians 3:1-16; 4 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 20
May 10, 1902
“Elmshaven,” St. Helena, California
Sabbath morning. I awoke at half-past three. I thank my heavenly Father for rest and sleep. I want my heart stayed upon God today. Good is the Lord and greatly to be praised. Yes, the birds are singing their songs of thanksgiving to God their Creator. One songster commences his song of praise, and another unites his musical talent of song with his mate; then there are other voices of praise that join the choir, and they fill my office room with their cheerful, happy music. 17LtMs, Ms 221, 1902, par. 21