Diary, January to March 1904
NP
January 30 - March 22, 1904
Previously unpublished.
January 30, 1904
St. Helena Sanitarium
After close of Sabbath. I have not had much courage and physical strength. I have put to severe tax my physical powers. I must now try to recover from this depression of mental exhaustion. W. C. White left us last Wednesday evening for Oakland. Sara and I were to leave Thursday morning accompanied by Brother James for Mountain View, the place selected for the location of Pacific Press. C. H. Jones was quite earnest we should see the place and make any suggestions. I had put to the tax every power of my being to finish writings that were needed for the book on Education, and I cannot now bring any nerve and energy into physical and mental effort. The morning that I supposed I could go on early train I had no disposition to do anything. I had not strength and could not command any force to do anything. I am now of the opinion that it would be presumption; I am so weak. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 1
March 4, 1904
St. Helena Sanitarium, Calif.
This morning March 4, 1904, my sleep has been broken. I open the first diary book at hand to leave a few words in it. I am laboring through an attack of severe cold and I awoke quite early, and I could not sleep for some time after one o’clock. But I feel asleep and was in a meeting where special matters were being discussed. Someone began to strike a discouraging note, and another followed with still a deeper and more hopeless note. Then I thought, “This will never do. We came here to meet the Lord, not the power of unbelief and darkness. Christ is light, and in Him is no darkness at all. Talk faith, pray in faith.” I had a message for the people. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 2
March 5, 1904
St. Helena Sanitarium, Calif.
I am pressed with many matters that I desire to write out that may be a blessing to many souls who are troubled. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 3
March 6, 1904
St. Helena Sanitarium
I thank the Lord I suffer no pain, but a weariness that I sometimes fear will never leave me. I pray to the Lord to give me strength to relieve me of this brain weariness. I have been taking heroic treatment to sweat away and break up this cold; but while I am conscious of improvement, I am strengthless; answering the description a grasshopper is a burden. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 4
All seems to me to be useless in my labors. I see and sense the perils of the last days are upon us, and yet I feel that my efforts amount to next to nothingness. Shock after shock has come to my spiritual nerve powers to see how readily such men as Doctor Kellogg (and he denies that he has done this work when the Spirit of the Lord declares over and over that he has done this) will become beclouded with error that would lead the flock of God astray into by and forbidden paths, away from the truth and away from the certain, sure solid-rock foundation to build upon the sand. [Continues regarding Dr. Kellogg and The Living Temple, etc.] 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 5
March 8, 1904
St. Helena Sanitarium, Calif.
The past night many things have been represented to me. People were gathering, and there was scarcely room for them. Everyone seemed to be anxious to accommodate each other. A very pleasant, unselfish spirit seemed to prevail. All seemed to be trying to settle without confusion. Many claimed to know me of whom I had not remembrance. Some inquiries were made in regard to the people who dishonor the truth in their works, denying the truth, and women in their dress absorbing the Lord’s money to make a show. All this was bringing upon the foundation hay, wood, and stubble. All their good works were so discounted and disapproved of God that they were as salt that had lost its savor, good for nothing as far as influence was concerned; for the influence of their lessons given in pride and selfishness tainted all their works. The position each occupies is one of solemn responsibility, for we are to be converted and not practice the world’s extravagance. They will be judged by the law of ten commandments and “the law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul.” [Psalm 19:7.] 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 6
March 10, 1904
St. Helena Sanitarium, Calif.
I have every reason to be grateful to my heavenly Father, for I have rested and slept quite well. My sleep was over at quarter before three o’clock. I have the pleasure of seeing stars in the heavens. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 7
Sunday morning, March 20, 1904
Healdsburg
This morning, Sunday, I am grateful to report a good night’s rest. I am very thankful to my heavenly Father that His presence was with me yesterday as I spoke to the large congregation from Daniel, chapter one. For one hour I was speaking to the people, and there was so much to be said that I could not give it to the people in one talk. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 8
The Lord is very precious to me. I am anxious that the school here in Healdsburg shall at all times be conducted in such a way that the religious interest shall be the first and highest study. If the hearts of the students are drawn toward heavenly things, then in just that proportion will the words and the actions testify of heavenly things. Spiritual health of the soul creates an atmosphere that is fragrant. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 9
March 21, 1904
Healdsburg, Calif.
I am thankful to my heavenly Father that I have had sleep during the night. In the afternoon I had a long siege of sneezing. I felt that I was taking cold while on the cars and did my best to fence against it, and the Lord did give me strength to speak Sabbath forenoon to a large congregation in Healdsburg church. The influenza is upon me. I shall do the best I can under the circumstances. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 10
Yesterday after speaking I felt that I could scarcely close. There was so much left unsaid that I desired to say. My soul is full of matter that I wish to bring before the people of God who have every advantage of knowing the truth, but many of whom are not exemplifying the truth in the life and exemplifying Christ in words, in spirit, in action. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 11
March 22, 1904
Healdsburg, Calif.
The weather continues cloudy, and snow is on the mountains. We have some hail with the rain. This makes the weather very unpleasant and disagreeable. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 12
I had conversation with Elder Daniells in regard to some things at Washington. He speaks very encouragingly of the reception they received at Washington, D.C. He has worked intensely and needs more help. Oh, that I had the strength that I desire. I would be glad to engage in the work with my brethren as I desire to do. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 13
Elder Daniells has been working many places where there has seemed to be a necessity, and he reports that all the conferences he has visited have taken new courage since the Review and Herald has been removed from Battle Creek to Washington. They have increased confidence in the testimonies the Lord has given for the benefit of His people, and when the work commences in earnest in building, means will begin to come in. We need now to speak words of encouragement in the church paper Review and Herald. We need not one word of unbelief coming from any soul regarding this work of moving our publishing interest to Washington. We must now have increasing faith, for the enemy of all righteousness will seek to discourage in every line of work possible. 19LtMs, Ms 140, 1904, par. 14