Diary Fragments, July to October 1907
NP
July 22 - October 29, 1907
This manuscript is published in entirety in 16MR 126-135.
July 22
This morning I praise the Lord I have not suffered as I did last night. The left limb has troubled me for many long years. The ligaments were torn from the ankle. The word was, You will never be able to use your foot, for it has been so long without close investigation that nothing can relieve the difficulty and unite the ligaments torn from the ankle bone. The limb was injured from my being thrown from my pony. I was riding in a journey to Middle Park. The hip was injured and the whole limb was shrunken, and now this new difficulty. But all this was relieved by the best kind of treatment. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 1
I use my limb carefully, but last night the pain in the ankle seemed unendurable. I could not sleep, but I could pray; and the Lord, who has relieved me so many times, helped me. Our Saviour has told us to call upon Him and believe in Him. The Lord’s throne is in heaven high above the earth. While suffering for hours in distress I prayed, and His mercy is toward them that fear Him. I have felt so thankful for that prayer Christ taught His disciples. It embraces everything for the inhabitants of the earth. Toward morning I slept, and when I awoke the pain was gone. I realize now the Lord was merciful, and I will praise Him in whom is my dependence and my trust. The Lord be praised. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 2
I had reason to be thankful the pain was not in my heart, for I have suffered with my heart; but the Lord is very gracious to me. I shall be eighty years old next November 26. I can go up and down stairs as readily as my young women workers, and the Lord has wonderfully blessed me with voice to reach the thousands upon our campground. I will praise the Lord and glorify His name. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 3
I am now preparing the private testimonies, for they contain so many warnings in regard to the very dangers we are passing through. No man has a right to be judge over his fellow man as his God-given right. What Christ was in His life, we are to strive to be. Christ is our model, not only in His spotless holiness, but in compassion and patience and forbearance and love. “Learn of Me,” saith the perfect Teacher, “for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” [Matthew 11:29, 30.] We are to learn of Christ true courtesy and excellent judgment, and we are never to place ourselves as a god to tell any man his duty, for that is not given us of God. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 4
July 23, 1907
“Elmshaven,” St. Helena Sanitarium, California
I thank my heavenly Father for His great blessing that He has given me—freedom from pain the past night. I could not sleep after two o’clock. I arose and dressed and wrote some things in my diary. I am having kept before me in clear lines, “He that winneth souls is wise.” [Proverbs 11:30.] Bible religion I am urging upon our people. We are not to make our own standard. Christ has come to our world to become our standard and pattern. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 5
August 1, 1907
St. Helena, California
I am passing through trials of mind, and my soul is distressed in me since the camp-meeting in St. Helena. There is a special work to be done for the Lord’s people that but few realize. The Lord is sending warnings to His people in the developments that shall come from the trying of the cases of fraudulent, guilty actions that have taken place with men in some connection with San Francisco and Oakland. This is to awaken the people to see that humanity without the law of God in the heart does not obey its principles. Man is trying his fellow man to bring in a supposed new order of things, but the heart is corrupt and utterly unreliable. God saith, “Woe unto you, lawyers!” [Luke 11:52.] There is not one of them obeying God’s law that He came from heaven to make known, precept after precept. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 6
I am full of sorrow for the people of God. They are having a trifling experience in true righteousness and true service to God. Not all connected with me are an honor spiritually. They are not in a position to do honor to my family. They are cheating themselves out of a true religious experience, trifling with eternal interests. They are not obtaining an experience that is of value to them in fitting their souls for the trials soon to come, and I am helpless to change the order of things. It does not seem to be in some of them to closely examine their own hearts, whether they are obtaining a fitness for the trials that are coming upon every soul, whatever his position or profession. The true religious experience they have not. I am distressed, for it is supposed that those of my household will feel an individual responsibility to keep their own souls in the love of God and be in their position a blessing to others. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 7
I have a message for those who are professedly Christians, but who do not realize their daily accountability to God. It is supposed my family will be of a very different order religiously. What can I do or say? They are handling sacred things daily, but I fear for their future unless they shall seek the Lord with all their heart. I may pray in the family, I may address the church to seek the Lord; but unless they will obtain a deep experience, they will not be prepared to unite with the holy family in the heavenly courts. I fear for every one of my family, and therefore fear for myself. What can I say? What can I do? The shortage of coming into spiritual union with God makes me afraid, and what can I say or do in my physical weakness? 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 8
August 2, 1907
St. Helena Sanitarium, California
I am deeply grateful to our heavenly Father that I am improving healthwise. I need so much the grace of God every moment of my time. We are certainly now in the last conflict of this earth’s history, and the signs of the Lord’s coming, as Christ specified, are so common we scarcely consider the outcome. I am constantly pleading with the Lord to arouse His people to a vivid sense of the times which He has assured us would be just previous to the coming of our Lord. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 9
August 12 [11], 1907
“Elmshaven,” St. Helena, California
Sunday morning, half-past two o’clock. I have had a precious night’s rest. I lay awake giving praise and thanksgiving to the Lord for this past night’s rest. I am so thankful to my God for the blessing of freedom from pain. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 10
I took a bath in cold water and rubbed myself thoroughly and felt no chill. I am seated on the cot lounge writing by lamplight. I have not had freedom from pain in many months before this morning, and my heart is thankful to God. Everyone in the house is sleeping. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 11
I have been praying most earnestly for wisdom to place in print the very things that, should I not live, will be a help and strength to those who will be pleased to use them. My heart is filled with thanksgiving and praise. Heaven is full of richest blessings to bestow upon all who need these precious blessings, if they ask the Lord with heart and soul and have a strong desire to receive to impart. The Lord Jesus has passed through every temptation that human beings have had. We read that He “knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations,” for He hath been “in all points tempted like as we are”—tempted in His human nature that He might know how to succor those who shall be tempted. [2 Peter 2:9; Hebrews 4:15; 2:17, 18.] 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 12
I am so thankful that this long siege of temptation, sadness, and grief is past. I can see my Redeemer, in whom I have fresh encouragement to trust as a never-failing Source of strength. I take up my service with renewed courage, yet not knowing which shall prosper, this or that. Every soul must walk by faith. Our service is a continual warfare against the satanic science coming in through deceptive guise to take us unawares. Therefore angels are on guard to protect all who are watching and believing and walking and working. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 13
There are continuous battles to fight, and we are not safe a moment unless we place ourselves under the guardianship of One who gave His own precious life to make it possible for every one who will believe in Him as the Son of God, while meeting the strain of Satan’s varied science, to escape the corruptions that are in the world through lust. He is fully able, in response to our faith, to unite our human with His divine nature. We are, while trusting in the partaking of the divine nature and strengthening our own efforts, proclaiming Christ’s mission on earth to be peace on earth and good will towards men. We are bound to speak of the dangers of the warfare with invisible foes and to keep the armor on, for we war not merely against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers and spiritual wickedness in high places. This means that men of influence will depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits. Therefore we need to keep under the constant guardianship of holy angels. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 14
To follow Christ is not freedom from conflict. It is not child’s play. It is not spiritual idleness. All the enjoyment in Christ’s service means sacred obligations in meeting oft stern conflicts. To follow Christ means stern battles, active labor, warfare against the world, the flesh, and the devil. Our enjoyment is the victories gained for Christ in earnest, hard warfare. Think of this. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 15
“We are laborers together with God.” [1 Corinthians 3:9.] Christ engaged in the great work for which He lived and died. We are to be instant in season and out of season. And why? “For ye are bought with a price” and have enlisted under the banner of Prince Immanuel. [1 Corinthians 6:20.] We are enlisted for labor, “not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life.” [John 6:27.] We are to work out our own salvation with fear and with trembling. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 16
We are not our own. We are bought with a price, to glorify God with our bodies and spirits which are His. A work is to be done. There is a faithful work to do in His vineyard. And to every man is given his work. If we are privileged with the bread of life, we must work in the Lord’s vineyard. A charge comes to us to deny ourselves and take up the cross and follow Christ. We are to run the race set before us with persevering earnestness. This oft requires energetic movements. We cannot be idlers. We are urged, “Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life.” [1 Timothy 6:12.] 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 17
Every soul must count the cost. Not one will succeed but by strenuous effort. We must spiritually exercise all our powers and crucify the flesh with its affections and lusts. Crucifixion means much more than many suppose. We are to heed every word of counsel and not be indifferent in words and actions. Teach these lessons in the family circle. We are not to be off our guard, but to watch and pray lest we enter into temptation. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 18
We must keep constantly before the ones who are pledged to the service of Christ that it means diligence. It means to be faithful workers, to do all possible to win souls to Christ. It is a constant watchfulness to be faithful unto death, to fight the good fight of faith until the warfare is ended and as overcomers we shall receive the crown of life. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 19
This means much more than we take in. Christ is our example. The Christian warfare is not a life of indulgence to eat and drink and dress as self-indulgent worldlings. The Lord Jesus came in human nature to our world to give His precious life as an example of what our life should be. He is the specimen, not of spiritual indulgence, but of a life constantly before us of self-denial, self-sacrifice. We have the correct view that Christ our Pattern came to give us. There is before us the Prince of heaven, the Son of God. He laid aside the royal crown and the princely robe and came to take His position in our world as a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. How few take it in! We are not to be petted babies, but laborers together with Christ to save a world, by our own human example bearing a message from the Word of God. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 20
August 14, 1907
St. Helena Sanitarium, California
I thank the Lord this morning that I have had more hours in sleep during the past night. I am sure the Lord is my Helper, my front guard and my rereward. Now is our opportunity to be guarded on every side. Satan will come in if possible to lead our people, now, in 1907, into strange paths. This was done after we left America for Australia. Then money seemed to come in, and there was no dearth of means, and that hospital was built in Boulder, Colorado. Such scenes were presented to me as the use of means and the want of men of right capability to use the means. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 21
Last night I slept well, and this morning I am very thankful to my heavenly Father that He gave strength yesterday to write out some important matters. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 22
Wednesday, August (?), 1907
St. Helena, California
I cannot sleep after twelve o’clock. There are many things that are brought before me which I wish to remember. I place myself in writing position. My mind has been greatly wrought upon during the night. I was in a meeting in Colorado. It seemed to be in the meetinghouse, and there were some things that were to be considered away from the sanitarium and away from the campground. One was in our midst full of wisdom, and we were to hear His words. He said words that were appropriate for the occasion. This instruction was of that character that all would understand and could not turn aside. The lessons He gave were full of knowledge for all who would attentively practice them. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 23
September 21, 1907
“Elmshaven,” St. Helena Sanitarium, California
This is Sabbath morning, and I thank the Lord that I have slept more than usual. I generally have many wakeful hours. I feel great sorrow at times. My heart aches as I consider the day of the Lord is coming as a thief in the night to all who are not watching and praying and working also. Luke 17:20-37. I read this. I can take it in a little, and my heart is pained to see the great necessity that those who have the light shall walk in the footsteps of Jesus and work out their own salvation with fear and trembling. I am so sorrowful that men placed in positions of responsibility do not understand their own defects of character, yet carry with them an officiousness that blinds their own judgment as to the work to be done for this time of peril. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 24
September 28 [27], 1907
St. Helena Sanitarium, California
I thank the Lord this Friday morning I have had the first good night’s rest for weeks. I have spent hours in the night season pleading with God. I have been so very much surprised to see the spirit of dictatorial authority in men. It has seemed to me next to impossible to convince or convert the men, who have received this kind of spirit, of its danger. Their own souls are in peril, but they perceive it not. What is lacking? Consecration of the heart to God. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 25
I am not attending large meetings. I do not dare to take the time in traveling and the time occupied in large gatherings and neglect the writings which I am preparing to leave, that after my pen and my voice can no more be heard, then my writings will speak. I have not the least desire to speak in Oakland. I have done my full duty. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 26
October 1907
“Elmshaven,” St. Helena Sanitarium, California
I have slept quite well until past two o’clock. My mind is active. I cannot sleep as many hours as I would be so thankful if I could sleep. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 27
Elder Ballenger, Sister Gotzian, W. C. White, and I had quite a lengthy talk concerning Paradise Valley Sanitarium. Will it be wisdom to turn it over to the conference, now [that] the buildings are well prepared for convenience to give thorough treatment? We were the persons who have invested in the sanitarium, and at first they were unwilling to take it; but we think now that they will be willing. We then united in prayer, and then it was my bedtime. Took my bath and went to bed and after a period of wakefulness, slept. The stars are shining brightly, and there is no fog or appearance of rain. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 28
I am earnestly seeking the Lord. I must have His grace and rich light in order to understand the will of the Lord. We cannot afford to make one mistake now, and why should we? I am reading Ezekiel 20. 22LtMs, Ms 156, 1907, par. 29