But Ellen White was ill and discouraged. She wrote in her little diary on Friday, June 3: 1BIO 406.4
A number came from Monterey and stopped with us. Am sorry that I cannot enjoy their company. I have no health and my mind is completely depressed.—Manuscript 6, 1859. 1BIO 406.5
For Sabbath, June 4, she recorded: 1BIO 406.6
Was very sick and much discouraged. Unable to attend meeting. All report that it was the best meeting they ever attended.—Ibid.
She did go to the meeting in the tent on Sunday, but was too feeble to enjoy it. Then a change came, apparently at about midnight (she does not name the day). She soon wrote of the experience in introducing the pamphlet Testimony No. 5. 1BIO 406.7
She mentioned that her disease of the heart had a tendency “to depress” her spirits and “destroy” her “faith and courage.” Often as she retired at night she realized that her life could be cut short at any moment. She reported that it was in this state that she fainted at midnight, presumably Sunday, June 4: 1BIO 407.1
Brethren Andrews and Loughborough were sent for, and earnest petitions were offered to God in my behalf. The depression, the heavy weight, was lifted from my aching heart, and I was taken off in vision, and shown the things which I now present before you.—Testimonies for the Church, 1:185. 1BIO 407.2
First she was instructed in regard to her personal experience. At times she had thought that her work was done and it would be sweet relief to rest in the grave (Manuscript 6, 1859). She was in almost constant pain and depressed. “I saw,” she wrote, “that Satan had been trying to drive me to discouragement and despair, to make me desire death rather than life.”—Ibid., 1:185. 1BIO 407.3
I was shown that it was not God's will that I should now cease from the work and lie down in the grave; for then the enemies of our faith would triumph, and the hearts of God's children would be made sad. I saw that I should often feel anguish of spirit, and should suffer much; yet I had the promise that those around me would encourage and help me, that my courage and strength might not fail while I was so fiercely buffeted by the devil.—Ibid., 1:185, 186. 1BIO 407.4
She was shown that the Laodicean message applied “at the present time.” She added: 1BIO 407.5
I saw that this message would not accomplish its work in a few short months. It is designed to arouse the people of God, to discover to them their backslidings, and to lead to zealous repentance, that they may be favored with the presence of Jesus, and be fitted for the loud cry of the third angel.—Ibid., 1:186. 1BIO 407.6
She was given instruction on how God leads His people step by step in the development of character. Then the vision turned to the topic the conference had been considering that very evening. Of this she wrote: 1BIO 407.7
The plan of systematic benevolence is pleasing to God. I was pointed back to the days of the apostles, and saw that God laid the plan by the descent of His Holy Spirit, and that by the gift of prophecy He counseled His people in regard to a system of benevolence. All were to share in this work of imparting of their carnal things to those who ministered unto them in spiritual things. They were also taught that the widows and fatherless had a claim upon their charity.... God is leading His people in the plan of systematic benevolence.—Ibid., 1:190, 191. 1BIO 408.1
The vision went on to give instruction in several practical lines. 1BIO 408.2