To be the messenger of the Lord was no light matter. The work was in no sense routine, and often it bore so heavily on Ellen White that she despaired for her life. Her dedication to the work of God, her love for it, and her love for the workmen in proclaiming the message drew her into heavy involvement when situations were opened up to her in their true light. She wrote: 4BIO 136.3
When in great burden of soul for the people of God, seeing how many who profess to serve Him are dishonoring His name, seeing the end so near and a great work to be accomplished, I have wept in anguish of spirit; I was sore oppressed; I could not sleep, I could not find peace because of the peril of the Lord's people, especially at the great center of the work. I prayed in great agony of spirit. 4BIO 136.4
Then I lost myself in sleep, and was in a council in America; I was unburdening my soul to my brethren and sisters.—Ibid. 4BIO 136.5
In recounting the experience, she told of a surprising development. While she was speaking she heard a voice behind her. She looked, and exclaimed, “It is Jesus, my Saviour.” Jesus repeated words that He told her to read in the fifty-fourth chapter of Isaiah: “Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more. For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit.” 4BIO 136.6
Jesus said reassuringly, “Lay your burden upon Me; I will be your Burden-bearer.”—Ibid. 4BIO 137.1
“Well,” wrote W. C. White, “from that time there was a complete change, and she has been gaining.”—4 WCW, p. 463. There was a very noticeable turnaround on her part in spirits and health. He told of her resuming her ministry in the nearby churches, and declared: 4BIO 137.2
Her labors here seem to lift her up and give her strength and courage. It is the letters from America, and the views she has of some things there, that seem to wear on her mind and pull her down.— Ibid. 4BIO 137.3
And Ellen White could at that time report: 4BIO 137.4
I am now much better healthwise than during my first year in Australia. I can walk better, and am improving in activity.... I am so thankful to my heavenly Father for His great goodness and lovingkindness to me.—Letter 13a, 1894.
But in another month, and another month, and another month, there would be “the American mail.” In late July she wrote: 4BIO 137.5
The preparation of mail to send to America, and the reception of mail from America, are stirring times in our history, and if we are not very careful, both the going out of the mail and the coming of the mail has a telling influence upon me that is not the most favorable.—Letter 85, 1894. 4BIO 137.6