Diary Fragments, April to June 1903
NP
April 17 - June 30, 1903
Portions of this manuscript are published in 12MR 83-84.
April 17, 1903
Elmshaven, California
I cannot sleep this morning after three o’clock. I take my pen and write things which have been pressing upon my mind. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 1
Monday morning, April 20, 1903
This morning about twelve o’clock I awoke from sleep where I was calling upon the Lord in prayer in my own behalf and in behalf of my brethren. I felt a wonderful nearness to God and these words were sounding in my ears, “Jesus of Nazareth passeth by.” “If thou wilt, Thou canst make me whole.” [See Luke 18:37; Matthew 8:2.] I did not at first understand the sensation of prickling in the ends of my fingers. What does this mean? The pricking seemed to extend to my arms, and a soft, flexible feeling came into hands and arms. I continued my prayer to God that I was offering in my sleep, and after praying to my heavenly Father I arose and dressed. The exhaustion I had been suffering seemed to be all gone and my head was clear. I had felt deeply burdened and had begun writing after two o’clock p.m. in my diary, and I did not feel that I could drop my pen until seven o’clock. I had written in my large diary thirteen pages as fast as my pen could trace the words to Dr. Kellogg and to my brethren who have been holding positions in our institutions, for there had been a departing from pure and clean, sanctified principles in their business management, and the Lord had come near to them in rebuke and judgment. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 2
May 1, 1903
“Elmshaven,” St. Helena, Calif.,
I thank the Lord this morning that I have had rest in sleep. I am not free from infirmities, but while I suffer pain I am grateful to my heavenly Father that I am able to accomplish considerable in this work of preparing my writings that should come to our people, for the Lord impresses my mind and I desire to impart every ray of light given me. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 3
I am grateful to my heavenly Father that my mind is clear and distinct in regard to the requirements of God in His Word. I feel sorrow in my heart that the claims of God upon the life and service in His cause are not fully appreciated. Because of this, mistakes are often made. These many mistakes in the religious life need not be, for God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. He wants us as His children, adopted into His family, to act as such at all times, receiving His grace daily. Because we offer up our earnest prayers to our Father, He blesses us with His rich grace and we become His witnesses as children of God. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 4
We want not to mix and mingle with the world to receive the spirit of the world, but to reveal the precious grace of truth in our own hearts and to honor God as His little children. We are to love one another. We are to do kindly actions whenever we have opportunity, because the Lord is constantly bestowing His most valuable gifts upon us. Every day we are to be thankful. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 5
It may seem to us that the truth maintains its ground by the hardest exertion and most costly sacrifice, but we are to consider we are to discharge our individual duty day by day. Keep the mind stayed upon the Lord. Are we not warring the good and grand warfare, expecting the crown of life which the righteous Judge shall give us in that great day when every man will receive according to his deeds, whether they be good or evil? We have the precious light of the Word given us from God to give to the world and to lead us in the path He requires us to travel. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 6
Do not forget the words recorded in (Matthew 28:16-20): “Then the eleven disciples” after His resurrection “went away into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them. And when they saw Him they worshipped Him: but some doubted. And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto Me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world.” 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 7
This message needs ever to be kept in mind to be obeyed. We are not to worry, but move on and trust wholly in God. We have a message to the world, and a fearful account will be rendered to God if we should prove unfaithful as His stewards. We long to see precious souls converted to God. For this we venture to labor in our age and infirmities. We hunger for souls and pray for the conversion of souls. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 8
May 2, 1903
St. Helena, Calif.
Thank the Lord my life has been spared to see another day. My prayer to my heavenly Father is, Keep me today and give me this day clear perception that I shall not lose anything that Thou hast impressed and shall impress upon my mind that I must give to Thy people. Oh help me, my heavenly Father, to do Thy will, to give Thy words, and in such language that will make the best impression upon the minds of all that shall hear me speak. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 9
Unto this day Thou hast been everything to me. We can walk safely in the darkest path if we have Thy light going before us as our guide. Thy Word, let it impress my mind this day. As I write the things Thou hast given me, may my representations be just as clear as Thy light, that shineth into the most darkened understanding. Give me words, give me wise speech. The burden lies heavy upon my soul lest I shall not make every representation clear. And oh my Lord, work upon human hearts that they shall be convinced, that the heavy laden may understand that there is a Burden Bearer who will take all their burdens and will heal all their wounds. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 10
Oh how I long that the curtain shall be rolled back, and souls that do not now see their great privileges may see and may understand that if they walk with Thee, my Saviour and their Saviour, and learn of Thee Thy meekness and Thy lowliness of heart, they will find rest unto their souls, and Thy joy shall be in them and their joy shall be full. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 11
May 27
St. Helena Sanitarium
The fruit of the Spirit is peace and love. I thank the Lord this morning I have been able to sleep until three o’clock. Retired quarter-past eight. My heart is drawn out this morning to the Lord in most earnest prayer for His keeping power. I cannot keep myself one moment. I want ever the fresh consciousness that I am a child of God, one of His little ones, and kept by His power. I cannot keep myself even for one single moment. My prayer is ascending to God that His grace may be with me today. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 12
I am trusting in the Lord, praying and believing that His promises full of comfort and assurance will be realized this day. To be spiritually minded is life and peace. “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” [John 14:27.] “The God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” [Romans 15:13.] 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 13
I know not how long my life may be spared, but I am living day by day as unto the Lord. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 14
June 6, 1903
“Elmshaven,” St. Helena Sanitarium, Calif.
This is the Sabbath of the Lord. We are this day to honor God in our conversation. Our hearts must be opened in a special manner this day from beginning to the close of the Sabbath, and there must be shining forth from us the bright beams of the Sun of righteousness. I praise the Lord this morning that I feel rested. I slept well during the night. My heart is at peace with God. I have not any inclination to bring sad thoughts and distress upon my soul on this day which God has sanctified and blessed. Exodus (chapter 31) is so expressed as to leave not a shade of doubt in any mind in regard to our duty to keep holy the seventh day. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 15
June 10, 1903
St. Helena Sanitarium
I am this morning deeply impressed with a sense of the great work before us to be done in order that we may respond to the words of Christ when He stood in His perfect humanity in our world. He is the true and unerring One to guide our feet in the path He was traveling. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 16
June 1903
“Elmshaven,” St. Helena, Calif.,
I thank the Lord that I have been enabled to stand the taxation that has been upon me for weeks. I slept well last night. This morning I am not strong but I will put my trust in God. The Lord is good and greatly to be praised. My mental powers have been constantly drawn upon for so long, and yet in my sleeping hours the Lord gives me words to speak that are appropriate for the occasion and for the benefit of those who come to me for counsel. The Lord would have us help one another. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 17
Professor Beardslee had a conversation with me. I would have helped him if I could; but I dare not give my opinion of duties for others unless I have the words of counsel from God. As I read the blessed Holy Bible I can speak words from the Book of books and from instruction the Lord has given me to give to those who ask me to help them when they are in difficulty. But I always encourage them by the Word itself and urge them to take everything to God in prayer, pleading the promise, Ask and ye shall receive; seek and ye shall find. [Matthew 7:7.] 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 18
There should be a solemn importance attached to the testimonies the Lord gives His messenger to bear concerning the Word which calls us to come out from the practice of the world and be separate. A half conversion is only a snare to betray other souls into the same divided service. Every truly converted soul shows a transformation in character, and a marked change takes place. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 19
June 30
St. Helena, Calif.
I am grateful to my heavenly Father for His sustaining grace this morning. There is not a smooth path before any of us. We are to meet Lucifer in his efforts to counterwork the purpose of God in sending Christ to our world to reveal the Father. We shall make it a point not to dwell upon the disagreeable features that shall present themselves to us. We are to keep the bright side ever before us. But while we are not to be discouraged in our efforts to war against evil, Lucifer will work to act his part. We cannot be unconscious of the difficulties and perplexities we are compelled to bear, yet we are to know we are laborers together with God. Christ is with us by His promise from His sacred lips, “Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world.” [Matthew 28:20.] 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 20
My heart is longing after God. But discouragements will come. Let us look and study the life of Christ and inquire, What would the Lord Jesus do were He present to counsel me in the difficulties that arise? Our first business is to ask counsel of God. 18LtMs, Ms 173, 1903, par. 21