Lt 18, 1867

Davis, Brother

Topsham, Maine

December 11, 1867

Previously unpublished.

Dear Brother Davis:

We received your letter yesterday and will return you this answer [by] the very next mail. I was grieved to learn the distressing state of your wife’s mind. I felt distressed to learn that you have taken your wife to the [mental] hospital. This must only increase her affliction, and is the very last course which should be taken.1LtMs, Lt 18, 1867, par. 1

In regard to taking her to Battle Creek, I would not advise you to do this until I understand her case more perfectly. In no case should a friend be taken to the [mental] hospital until the recovery is pronounced hopeless, and even in that case if friends can possibly take care of her they should. I would advise you to take her home and take the best care of her you can, even if you devote your whole time to this case. If you think of a cheerful, hopeful person, beloved of your wife, get her to come and remain with her for a time.1LtMs, Lt 18, 1867, par. 2

Dear Brother Davis, from what has been shown me, you have not been as careful, as delicate of her feelings, as you should. You have not extended to her that tender sympathy, that her sensitive nature requires. Your words should be full of love, of pity, of tenderness. She is a woman that feels deeply, intensely. It should be your part to soothe, to make her surroundings as happy as they can possibly be made. Do not rein her up to just your views, your ideas. Leave her to think and act for herself. Do not strain her mind out of its own order to run in the same mold as your own. You have talked too much with her upon duty, stern duty. She is conscientious, very, and possesses a diseased imagination. Manifest to her at all times deep love and affection. It is not weakness to do this.1LtMs, Lt 18, 1867, par. 3

You have not loved her as her nature requires. Her heart craves for affection, for love, and will wither without tokens of love and acts of affection. You have too frequently crossed her track, interfered with her judgment and preferred your own without taking into the account the influence this must have on her mind.1LtMs, Lt 18, 1867, par. 4

Open your heart to your wife and let her see that she can lean upon your large affections. Love begets love, affection begets affection. Love bestowed on members of our family will be reflected back to us again. You have been too set, too stern, in your course of action. Many things I might write, but this must go into the mail. If you have a desire to help your wife, do not seek to maintain your dignity as a husband, but frankly acknowledge that you have not loved as you should, have been too severe, exacting to herself and children, and that you will change your course and be more affectionate. You have frequently made light of her deep feeling and sensitiveness. This is cruelty. Soothe her by affection, bless her with your love, with tenderness and respect for her feelings.1LtMs, Lt 18, 1867, par. 5

May God bless these lines to you is the prayer of your sister.1LtMs, Lt 18, 1867, par. 6