We are having very warm days, but rather cool nights. I spent nearly all day in writing. Willie went out upon the water in the afternoon. My husband and Willie and Sister Hall went after a load of hay to keep the horses. Their feed is nearly done. My heart is sad and discouraged today. I cannot understand my position or my work. It is useless for me to express my convictions or my fears, or the exercises of my mind, to anyone. They cannot appreciate my feelings or understand at all my mind. They cannot help me. God alone can help me. Oh, that He would let His light shine around about me and not hide His face from me! I mourn for the light of His countenance. I faint for His salvation.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 1

Thursday, October 2, 1873

We have another beautiful day. I took my writings out under a tree and wrote very steadily until noon. After dinner we went in a boat across the lake and scrambled over rocks and mountains, trees, and brush one mile or more. We saw large poplar trees that the beavers had taken off as nicely as though they had been cut with a knife. The instinct and habits of these animals are truly wonderful. We took the boat again. As it was hard rowing, Willie ran along on the sandy beach and with a long rope drew the boat after him, which was a much easier as well as a more rapid way of getting along, for the boat was clumsy and the oars were very poor. We spent some time upon the water, fishing, but it was so cold in the evening we thought it prudent to return to our tent. The men left this morning with their fish to pack out to Central and Black Hawk. There is now only one man at the lake besides ourselves.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 2

Friday, October 3, 1873

The sun shines forth in its glory, but my heart is sad. I feel sick in body and distressed and discouraged in mind. A weight is upon my spirits so very oppressive I feel that I must sink under it. I fear greatly that I have displeased God in not attending the camp meetings, even if I went alone. God has given me a testimony to bear, and I fear that [the reason] why I am so weak and so discouraged is because I am not moving in the counsel of God. Oh, what does all this mean? I resolve to take this or that course and difficulties arise which seem inconsistent or objectionable, and then I look and resolve in another direction, and thus matters stand. I see no relief in any direction. I am shut up in darkness. Was very sick, vomited up much phlegm.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 3

The horse called Parson was very sick. We feared he would die. We doctored him as well as we could, putting hot flannel blankets around him. He was relieved after several applications. We learned that hydrotherapy is for animals as well as for human beings.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 4

Saturday, October 4, 1873

It is a beautiful morning. The sun shines out very lovely. I rested but little through the night. I suffered much pain. I had trouble of mind, which led to reflection and to some decisions I felt that it was best for me to make. I hope the Lord will pity me and relieve my mind of distressing perplexity and not suffer me to be tempted above what I am able to bear. My mind has been for a long time in great perplexity and embarrassment, for much of the time for three years I fear that I shall have to lay my burden down. I cannot endure the thought of my labors being less and less efficient. I would rather retire from public labor and never allow my voice to be heard in public than mar the precious cause of God. Perhaps this is now my place—to do nothing in the cause of God in speaking in public or in reproving others. May God show me my right place and what He requires of me, is my prayer.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 5

Sunday, October 5, 1873

Another beautiful day has come. The sun shines so pleasantly, but no relief comes to us. Our provisions have been very low for some days. Many of our supplies have gone—no butter, no sauce of any kind, no corn meal or graham flour. We have a little fine flour and that is all. We expected supplies three days ago certainly, but none has come. Willie went to the lake for water. We heard his gun and found he had shot two ducks. This is really a blessing, for we need something to live upon.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 6

As we are thinking what we could do if no help came that day, Mr. Walling rode up. He brought us butter, and fine flour he had left upon the road, hidden back where he had left two horses barefooted for us to use over the rough road. We were rejoiced to see him. He stayed one night to fish. Willie and he went out and did not return till nine o’clock. Mr. Walling neither found game or caught fish. Willie caught fourteen of the largest trout I had seen. Sister Hall had been cooking all day and was ready for an early start in the morning. I could not help anyone, for I was sick.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 7

Monday, October 6, 1873

We arose early and commenced preparations for our homeward journey. We packed all things on the wagon and Sister Hall, my husband, and myself rode and walked a little until we had traveled above twelve miles over very rough road, through woods of fallen timber. Willie rode an Indian pony. We halted to take dinner, but as we began to search for the bag of provisions we found by some means it had left us and we had no dinner except a pie and a small loaf of bread. We sent Willie back to find our bag of supplies, fearful he might have to return the entire distance.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 8

We passed on, for we could not have our dinner until we should come to the horses by Frasier [?] River. The flour and some potatoes were hidden there for our use as we returned. We set up our little stove, cooked white gems in our gem pans, and cooked our fish and had a very good dinner. Here my husband and Sister Hall took two horses and rode the remainder of that day’s journey. We drove on and on and did not camp until nine o’clock. It took about two hours to pitch tent and take care of the horses for the night.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 9

I could not sleep for thinking of Willie alone on the road and having twenty miles’ extra travel; but about twelve o’clock Willie came to camp, all safe, with the lost provisions. We felt very thankful that we had passed over many miles of the road in safety, without accident or harm. I had a long talk with Mr. Walling as I rode in the wagon with him. I felt some better than I expected, having been sick for some days. My husband stood the journey well. We were a tired company and some slept soundly, but I was too weary to sleep much.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 10

Tuesday, October 7, 1873

This morning early we left our camp on the other side of the range, just as we entered the park. We were anxious to make an early start, that we could cross the range safely and journey to our homes the same night. My husband, Sister Hall, and myself were mounted upon horses. Mr. Walling came on after with our baggage in lumber wagon. We had a very pleasant ride, for it was a beautiful autumn day, as warm as summer. We ascended the steep rocky hills—up, up, up as fast as our horses could climb. We passed through brooks and gulches, up hill and down, for about six miles.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 11

This brought us to the foot of the range. We there consulted what we should do—press on, or take a warm, cooked dinner. We left it all with Mr. Walling. His decision was for us to eat a hasty meal and, with as little delay as possible, hurry over the range. We did so, and did not regret it. We had an unusually pleasant time in crossing the range. There was no wind. The sun shone pleasantly upon us. We viewed the scenery as our horses toiled up the steep ascent. The works of God in nature as viewed by us on this journey were indeed wonderful. They surpass anything we have ever seen. We feel the deepest feelings of awe as we view this grand scenery.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 12

We had passed the range but a couple of hours when there was an appearance of storm. Thick clouds began to gather, and we hastened on as fast as our team could carry us. Before we reached home the clouds were very dark. The wind blew dust and dirt, and blinded us so that we could not see. The lightenings flashed and we were threatened with a fearful storm. However, we arrived safely at home [before the storm broke]. It was a storm of wind and rain and snow.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 13

Found Mr. Glover and his wife and his father at our house. We had a pleasant interview. We were all glad to get to rest in good season, as we had only about three hours sleep the night before. We were very thankful we were in our comfortable home and not in camp on the other side of the range.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 14

Wednesday, October 8, 1873

[Walling’s Mills, Colorado,]

We rested well during the night. It was quite a luxury to rest upon a bed, for we had not done this for twenty-three nights. We feel very thankful that we are at home. There is a severe storm of wind, uprooting trees and even tumbling over out-houses. The sand and gravel are carried by the wind with considerable violence against the windows, and are coming in at the crevices, covering bed and bedding, furniture and floors. Yesterday when we crossed the range it was warm as summer, but this morning we see the mountain range is covered with snow. Today we sent the conference address to Battle Creek as directed by Brother Loughborough. We also sent minutes of the conference as he requested. I sent a couple of pages to Sister Lampson with a letter from a sister for dress pattern. Mr. Walling took breakfast with us. Sister Hall went to Mrs. Lasley’s for the two children of Mr. Walling, Addie and May. They are again with us.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 15

Thursday, October 9, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

We have a beautiful day today. Eli Glover and his wife left us today. My husband and Willie took them to Black Hawk in the spring wagon. Lucinda did a large wash, not in accordance with my judgment. I spent much of my time in writing.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 16

Friday, October 10, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

We have another beautiful day. I wrote a long letter to Leutha [?] Butler. Wrote some upon temptation of Christ. My husband contemplated going to Battle Creek. I had some freedom in secret prayer and felt the assurance that the Lord would help me and give me His grace. My husband and I rode out just before the Sabbath. Brother Glover is with us yet.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 17

Sabbath, October 11, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

Another beautiful day. It is the holy Sabbath. A portion of the day we devoted to prayer and to writing. We cried earnestly to God to know our duty in reference to Battle Creek. My husband felt very clear that it was not his duty at present to go to Battle Creek, but wait right where we are and let God direct us. We are both in harmony with this.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 18

Sunday, October 12, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

Again we are blest with beautiful weather. There is some wind. Willie left us for Michigan today to attend school. His father and I took him in spring wagon to Black Hawk. We felt sad to part with him. On our way to Black Hawk we met a funeral procession. The first hack stopped and Mrs. Johnson introduced me to Mrs. Parker. She stated that Mr. Parker died last Friday and it was his body they were following to the depot to be conveyed to his friends. Sad, sad indeed! This wife and two little girls had come to Colorado only to see the husband and father breathe his last. We received letters from Michigan. Addie Merriam wrote that a physician in town had told her father there were seven hundred down sick in Battle Creek and vicinity. Emily Colvin had just breathed her last. Little Annie Smith was very sick. Her father had been sent for from Grand Rapids.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 19

Monday, October 13, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

It is rather cold—more so than we expected for this time of year in Colorado. It seems lonely without Willie. My husband and Sister Hall and I took Mr. Walling’s children to Boulder to see their mother. We did not have a very pleasant visit on account of much talk about small matters in a jealous, irritated manner. We returned with the children about dark. May sang all the way home. She was very happy. Mr. Walling and Mr. Lasley were there. They were at the old Mill.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 20

Tuesday, October 14, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

My husband and Brother Glover rode up to Mr. Walling’s Mill on business. Mr. Walling said he would come down and see us. He called in a few moments. We had a little conversation. Said he would call when he returned. He drove by so late in the night he did not stop.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 21

Wednesday, October 15, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

It is rather cold and windy.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 22

Saturday, October 18, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

It is a rather cold and windy day. The wind increases, making it very unpleasant. I arose with the headache. We walked out and prayed in the grove. I wrote an important matter for Pilot Grove church. My husband wrote to Battle Creek for paper. I read some to the children. It is rather difficult for them to keep quiet. We had a very precious season of prayer at the close of the Sabbath.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 23

Sunday, October 19, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

It is rather cold today. We rode up to Mr. Walling’s Mills. Called on Mr. Lasley. We had an important interview with Mr. Walling and also with Mr. and Mrs. Lasley. We returned about noon. We walked out and had an interesting season of prayer.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 24

Monday, October 20, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

It is very pleasant this morning; seems very much like a summer’s day. We had some important writing to do, which kept my husband busily at it until time to take his seat in the wagon. We took Sister Hall and Addie and May Walling with us. We ate our dinner on the way to Black Hawk. The day was very mild and the children enjoyed the ride very much. We traded some in Black Hawk and in Central. We did not get home until after sundown. We received several letters from Brother Butler—one to myself and one to my husband. We also received an excellent letter from Brother Judson. My husband wrote letters after he returned home. Sat up quite late answering letters.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 25

Tuesday, October 21, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

It is rather a cold day. We had a good season of prayer as usual, then commenced our day’s labor. I washed the dishes and then sudsed out, rinsed, and hung upon the line a large washing. I feel desirous that my heart should be cleansed thoroughly from all iniquity. Mr. Walling called. We invited him to remain a short time and ride with us to Black Hawk. We had letters for Review to go into the mail. We took our dinner on the way in our carriage.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 26

When we returned it was very cold, and when we were half way home in snowed very hard. We suffered some with cold. We read our letters after we had become warm and my husband wrote until quite late, answering the letters received. We received letters from Elder Loughborough and Willie White. I called on Mrs. Johnson and met Sister Lee there. We had some important conversation in regard to her spending the winter in Battle Creek.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 27

Wednesday, October 22, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

It is like a cold January morning. The snow lies upon the ground six inches deep. We were busily engaged in writing and sending answers to letters just received. My husband sent a long letter to Brother Butler to Mount Pleasant. Brother Glover went on horseback to the office at Black Hawk.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 28

Thursday, October 23, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

It is a cold day, but we decided to go to Black Hawk and send a telegram to Battle Creek to have General Conference appointed November 14-18. We sent the dispatch. We took our dinner to Sister Bental’s. We had hot water to drink with our cold crackers. We purchased some needful things at Central. As we were returning it was very cold and commenced snowing. We received a letter from Dr. Merriam.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 29

Friday, October 24, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

It is cold and stormy. Everything looks wintry. We have been consulting in regard to [its] being duty to go to General Conference. We decided it was best for me to go and my husband not to venture. Brother Glover went to Black Hawk with mail. We were disappointed in not receiving the Review. But again we were happily disappointed in receiving the Review brought by Mr. Likens [?]. At the commencement of the Sabbath we had a most precious season of prayer. We felt like earnestly entreating the Lord to arouse and strengthen His people, and we believe He will hear our prayers. The blessing of God came to us as we were praying. Brother Glover was much blessed. He praised the Lord as in good old times. We feel like trusting in God.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 30

Sabbath, October 25, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

This morning we feel the peace of God in our hearts, and have a settled determination to have more perfect trust in God. It is a stormy, snowy day. The wind makes it very unpleasant. My husband and I looked over our manuscript for Spiritual Gifts [Spirit of Prophecy], Volume II. We felt that the matter in reference to the temptation of Christ in the wilderness was of the highest importance to our people and that they should have it as soon as possible.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 31

Sunday, October 26, 1873

[Walling’s Mills,]

It continues to snow and blow. This is a most terrible storm. Brother Glover went to Black Hawk with mail. My husband wrote a long letter to the picked men at Battle Creek—to Brethren Andrews, Smith and Waggoner. I had some liberty in writing upon the temptation of Christ. A gentleman who was traveling called. He wanted to stay all night. He said he had not seen such a storm for twenty years. In the evening a traveler called, blinded and benumbed by cold and wind. He was on foot and had nearly perished coming over Dory Hill. He swore roundly about the weather.2LtMs, Ms 12, 1873, par. 32

Ms 11, 1873

Ms 13, 1873