I have sent a telegram today to Battle Creek, and I have just written Edson six pages, very decided, but essential. I want you to see it and read it.6LtMs, Lt 88, 1890, par. 1

I have had a very distressing time with my heart last Sabbath evening, April 19. I thought I might not live. It came so severe and I was so utterly helpless to relieve the pain, Sara called up a brother and sent him to the druggist for mustard plasters. I put on two and let it burn its way into my flesh. I was somewhat relieved, but not entirely. Since reading your letter, I feel the threatenings again of the pain. I hope it will not come back, I can hardly breathe because of the acute pain when it does come.6LtMs, Lt 88, 1890, par. 2

I sent you a letter from Fresno to Boulder. I sent you one today to Boulder before I received yours. Perhaps you had better wait awhile before asking Edson for the letter and see if the letter has any influence on him.6LtMs, Lt 88, 1890, par. 3

I am decided that unless Edson will keep to his agreement to let every scheme of his alone and give me his whole time, his mind and tact, it is better to dissolve our business relations. I feel strictly forbidden of God to be connected with Edson in any way in a business line, for he will not only destroy his own influence, but destroy the confidence of my brethren in me. If he has no strength from God to withstand temptations to engage in his schemes, which has cost us so much and involved him hopelessly in debt, then our only way is to disconnect, let him stand on his own merits. In that case I do not wish to go east. I will remain this side of the Rocky Mountains.6LtMs, Lt 88, 1890, par. 4

My place is rented at Healdsburg for five months, twenty dollars per month. It is for sale.6LtMs, Lt 88, 1890, par. 5

I hear that Eliza Burnham is on the way from Australia to the Pacific Coast of California. If Edson will decide to be counseled, for he needs counsel, then will keep steadfastly to his word, if he will help me, give his mind to the business which he has promised to do, then I will return inside of two months. I cannot bear what I have borne of disappointment and of distress and anguish of mind. I must get somewhere that my mind can be at rest. I have had a long, hard pull in Fresno. Elder Daniels broke and confessed, but how long he will stay confessed is the question. I have come to see we can place no confidence in humanity unless Christ is an abiding principle in the soul.6LtMs, Lt 88, 1890, par. 6

I am now waiting to have a set of teeth made for my set is spoiled. I see troubles in the church everywhere and laborers are needed everywhere, but everyone seems to want to carry out their own plans and to take their own course and have their own way. May the Lord work for His people. The end is near and my prayer is, “Come, Lord Jesus, and come quickly.” [Revelation 22:20.]6LtMs, Lt 88, 1890, par. 7

So many say they want to work in the cause of God, but, O, their own ways and will are a controlling power, and they make so much suffering of heart and so much extra labor for the servants of God that we are overburdened with their course of action. What can be done? Is there no rest for me until I lie in [a] little home, ten feet by four? What do these things mean? Is Satan working with all deceivableness of unrighteousness, and those who ought to know his wiles are asleep? What can I do? May the Lord show me my duty. If it is so, that Edson thinks he wants [to] be independent of all counsel and restrictions, change the order of things at once. I will settle in California, rent my two houses in Battle Creek, and I will call my workers here. But it will be a grief to my soul as long as I live, all my efforts to help Edson are a failure.6LtMs, Lt 88, 1890, par. 8

Whatever steps he has taken, whatever depth he has gone in violating his pledged word, if he will stop right where [he] is and with Christian integrity carry out his agreement, we will continue a firm; but on no other conditions will I consent to have matters as they have been. His covenant is violated with me when he goes into the scheme of boat making again unless he becomes right in this. We are to be no longer a company concern. I cannot give consent to that which God has shown me is a snare to Edson’s soul and which gives Satan a chance to wound and freeze my soul through him. I want to hear as soon as possible the decisions made, but my heart pains me so I must stop. I can go no farther.6LtMs, Lt 88, 1890, par. 9

Not one line from home have I received since I came away which was four weeks last Friday. How is this matter? Why does not some one write? I dreamed this matter all out in regard to Edson’s boat building.6LtMs, Lt 88, 1890, par. 10

Mother.

Lt 87, 1890

Lt 89, 1890