HOW TO MANAGE DELICATE YOUNG GIRLS

I HAVE a daughter of fourteen. She seems robust and healthy, except that she is subject to attacks of quinsy. Can I do anything to relieve her of this tendency?” “My two daughters are thirteen and sixteen years of age. One is dyspeptic, and the other is subject to nervous headache. How ought they to live?” “What habits shall I cultivate in my little girl of twelve years, who is delicate, nervous, and precocious?” It is no wonder that we are often pressed to answer questions of this sort, for on the parents of such children rest heavy responsibilities. In the first place, in nearly every case of this kind, the father and mother, through lack of health, and ignorance have transmitted to the child feebleness of constitution, and impurity of blood; and have ripened her tendencies to disease by bringing her up in unnatural habits; and so are, directly, the creators of her morbid conditions. In the second place, the girl must almost inevitably die early or drag out a suffering, miserable existence, unless she has her relations to life re-arranged. The reason why girls die from twelve to twenty years of age, is because they are not allowed a chance to live. They are entitled to a chance. To live is just what they are put here for. Ample provision for their continued life is made in their organizations and in their relations to external nature. But their parents do not know how to let them live. They are anxious for their welfare — to have them grow up just as they ought. And so they subject them to the artificial regulations of society, which is almost the surest way to defeat their object. If a young girl is delicate in health, her father and mother are ready to resort to any expedient which promises to “patch her up.” They are willing to give her medicine of any sort or kind — to follow the directions of any medical quack — anything except to comply with those conditions which are absolutely essential to be regarded, in order to allow what constitutional power she has, opportunity to express itself healthfully. For instance, I have heard mothers say, “My daughters cause me great trouble and anxiety by their propensity to run and race out of doors, and to engage in rude play. I endeavor to restrain and teach them as well as I can, but fear they will never be lady-like and refined....” If I were to give to parents the three rules most necessary to be observed in the physical training of feeble girls, I should say:HHTL 302.2

1. Give them out-of-door life.
2. Encourage them to out-of-door life.
3. Urge on them life out of doors.

Not but that there are other things of vast importance, but that it is difficult to induce parents to appreciate this. Why, the young were made to live where the sunshine and pure air can visit them freely. All their nature clamors for such life. No sooner is the infant able to walk than it begins to manifest its desire to get outside the house, and it never consents to live in the house till its instincts are subdued. It goes naturally from the maternal lap to the “lap of Mother Earth,” and as certainly gathers strength and vigor from contact with the latter as from the former.HHTL 303.1

And at no period of life is habitual exercise out of doors more beneficial than from eleven or twelve, to fifteen or sixteen years of age. Those are the years in which the body makes essential changes and rapid growth, and its proper care should be of the first interest to the parent. Intellectual culture need not and should not, be neglected; but I venture to say that he who, during those years, makes mental training his object, forgetting the body, acts quite as unwisely as he who goes to great pains and expense to procure beautiful and excellent furniture for a house, which, for aught he knows, is leaky and dilapidated, and tottering on its foundation.HHTL 304.1

It is not so difficult for persons to understand the necessity that boys should have exercise out of doors. But the distinction in the needs of the sexes in this respect, rests entirely in the false notion of the people, and not in the nature of things. Let fathers and mothers see to it that their daughters have some hours in the open air daily.... But they need be by no means confined to play in their out-door life. There are many kinds of work which they may do to great advantage. They can split wood, or saw wood, plant or hoe, or husk corn, dig potatoes, rake hay, pick up stones, make garden, milk cows, harness or drive horses, etc. Aside from the physical benefits to be derived, the real solidity of character, the self reliance and the general intelligence girls would attain from learning and pursuing these occupations, as work cannot well be over-valued. This would be a very important addition to their course of education. And there need be no doubt as to the propriety of taking so much time from their studies. For any girl of fourteen whose constitution is not strong and health firm, who studies books over three hours a day, loses more than she gains, and will be less a woman at twenty-five than if she had taken a different course. I am well satisfied that if parents are under the necessity of sending their daughters away from home to school, they will promote their highest interests by keeping them under their own immediate supervision, caring especially for their proper physical development, till they are well grown. Thus the value to them of five years at school, from sixteen to twenty-one, is incomparably greater, than it is from twelve to seventeen.HHTL 304.2

Next to out-of-doors life, legitimately comes the subject of dress, for one cannot exercise to great advantage in the style of dress usually worn by girls. I think parents should give their attention to this subject in proportion to the value which they set upon their daughters. If I had a daughter whose life, and health, and happiness, and character, and future welfare I prized as highly as if she were a son, I would provide for her as economical expenditure of her nervous energy as if she were a son. For walking, or playing, or working out of doors, she should have plain, substantial clothing — strong boots, stout pants, short, light skirts, perfect freedom about the chest and arms, and a light straw hat. And she should have a supply of warm overcoats and mittens, and water-proof boots, so that no weather could keep her in-doors.HHTL 305.1

If I was desirous that she should make a pretty, respectable woman, but considered her of less consequence than my boys, I would see that she went out with them, but would take a little more care to have her dress conform to the established standards. She could afford to do things at some disadvantage, and if one hand was needed to take care of her dress, why, I would only ask her to do half as much as her brother.HHTL 305.2

If I expected her never to be of any account to anybody, but chose to do what I conveniently could to make her effeminate and sickly, I would clothe her just as most mothers do clothe their girls. She should never step out of doors without a large sun-bonnet tied close under her chin, her bodice should be hooked snugly about her chest, the dress should come so low at the shoulders that she could not raise her arms above her head, her skirts should be long and wide, and particularly warm about the back and hips, she should have nothing about the ankles but thin cotton hose, and only thin-soled shoes on her feet. She might have India-rubber sandals to put on in a wet day; or if that would not do, she might stay in the house.HHTL 305.3

More attention should be paid to clothing the feet of girls, even in the house. A pair of cloth or leather shoes, with light soles, and one pair of cotton stockings, do not afford sufficient warmth, when thick dresses and outside wrappers are needed about the body. The neck and arms should always be covered, except if it be when the temperature of the atmosphere is so elevated that no clothing is needed for the purpose of warmth. Flowing sleeves are decidedly objectionable, unless warm under-sleeves are worn. Every young girl should have all her clothing suspended from her shoulders, and should wear no garments so tight as to give any feeling of pressure when the lungs are expanded to their fullest extent. I wish I could induce mothers to believe this. But I cannot. I can only tell the truth (and every honest physician, or other person who knows anything about the human system, will corroborate this statement), and leave them to assume the responsibility of acting.HHTL 306.1

An immense amount of unnecessary work is expended on the wardrobe of misses. I have no objection to ornamentation anywhere, if it does not cost too much. But ruffles, and scallops, and edgings, and embroidery, on their night-dresses, and drawers, and skirts, and sleeves, and collars, and handkerchiefs, cost vastly too much, when the mothers or daughters who do them cannot get time for reading or for out-of-door exercise. And besides, girls of feeble vitality do actually wear upon their constitutional strength, by always when they sit, doing sewing or knitting work.HHTL 306.2

Regularity, particularly in the hours of eating, of going to bed, and rising, is of great importance in the habits of the class of persons whose management, we are considering. A delicate child should take her meals at the same time each day, and never eat any thing between meals. Whatever she eats, whether it be fruits, or nuts, or anything else, should be eaten at her meals. Whatever may be said of the necessity of flesh-meats as a diet for working or thinking men, they are never appropriate to be eaten by young girls; and are most unfit for those who have the greatest desire and longing for them. Diet of these persons should consist of fruits, grains, and vegetables, in their least complicated forms of preparation. The less condiments used the better. Tea or coffee should never be allowed. The supper, if taken at all, should be very light, and eaten at least two hours before bed-time.HHTL 306.3

Sleep is the great upbuilder and restorer of the nervous system, and growing girls should have plenty of it. From April to October they should go to bed before the candles are lighted, and during the winter should not be out of bed after seven and a half o’clock. Neither should they be dragged out in the morning at four or five o’clock. If they go to bed regularly and early, they will be pretty sure to get up in good season, in summer. And in winter, if they are inclined to sleep, in bed is the best place for them, till the gray dawn begins to break. Their beds and pillows should be of hair, sea-grass, husks, hay, straw, or something of the sort, and even cotton for beds is much less objectionable than feathers. Their sleeping-rooms should be thoroughly ventilated every day, and in all moderate weather the window may be left open a little at the top during the night. No garment which has been worn through the day should be worn at night, and those worn day or night should be hung up and aired before being again put on.HHTL 307.1

Cleanliness of the skin is essential to good health in every person, but need not by any means be secured by taking a “cold bath on rising every morning.” Young girls, unless quite robust, as a rule, would do better to wash off quickly in water, and in a room of moderate temperature, about three hours after breakfast; and that not oftener than every other day, if it seems to tax the strength. The washing should be performed, however, at least twice a week, and should always be followed by brisk exercise.HHTL 307.2

Delicate young girls should never take any medicine, no matter what doctor advises it. They do not need it. It can do them no good. It can only help to make them, permanently, more feeble than before.HHTL 307.3

Parents, if your daughters seem sickly and frail, and you are at a loss what to do with them — if they have symptoms which you do not understand, and you are anxious and perplexed, you may send for your family physician, if you choose. He may give you some information, or make suggestions which will be of service to you. But if he begins to talk about something “to take” though it be no more than a dose of “herb tea” be assured he will prove no true helper. Turn from him to Nature. Seek to place your child in harmony with her, and wait patiently; and you will learn that she can find ways to remove difficulties which discourage you. — Laws of Life, for April, 1860.HHTL 308.1