Lessons From The Months Of Suffering

I have been passing through great trial in pain and suffering and helplessness, but through it all I have obtained a precious experience more valuable to me than gold. When I was first convinced that I must give up my cherished plans to visit the churches in Australia and New Zealand, I felt to seriously question whether it was my duty to leave America and come to this far-off country. My sufferings were acute. Many sleepless hours of the nights I spent in going over and over our experience since we left Europe for America, and it has been a continual scene of anxiety, suffering, and burden bearing. Then I said, What does it all mean?RY 142.2

I carefully reviewed the history of the past few years and the work the Lord gave me to do. Not once did He fail me, and often He manifested Himself to me in a marked manner, and I saw I had nothing of which to complain, but instead precious things running like threads of gold through all my experience. The Lord understood better than I the things that I needed, and I felt that He was drawing me very nigh to Himself, and I must be careful not to dictate to God as to what He should do with me. This unreconciliation was at the beginning of my sufferings and helplessness, but it was not long until I felt that my affliction was a part of God's plan. I found that by partly lying and partly sitting I could place myself in position to use my crippled hands, and although suffering much pain I could do considerable writing. Since coming to this country I have written sixteen hundred pages of paper of this size.RY 142.3

Many nights during the past nine months I was enabled to sleep but two hours a night, and then at times darkness would gather about me; but I prayed, and realized much sweet comfort in drawing nigh to God. The promises, “Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you” (James 4:8), “When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him” (Isaiah 59:19), were fulfilled to me. I was all light in the Lord. Jesus was sacredly near, and I found the grace given sufficient, for my soul was stayed upon God, and I was full of grateful praise to Him who loved me and gave Himself for me. I could say from a full heart, “I know whom I have believed” (2 Timothy 1:12). “God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). Through Jesus Christ I have come off more than conqueror, and held the vantage ground.RY 143.1

I cannot read the purpose of God in my affliction, but He knows what is best, and I will commit my soul, body, and spirit to Him as unto my faithful Creator. “For I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day” (2 Timothy 1:12).—Letter 7, 1892.RY 143.2