Counsel Given Through a Vision

In 1862, Ellen, 35, and James 41, were busily trying to balance their church responsibilities with care for their three children, then 15, 13, and 8. In a vision God stepped in to give the parents some needed advice: “I was shown in regard to our family that we had failed in our duty; we had not restrained them. We had indulged them too much, suffered them to follow their own inclinations and desires, and suffered them to indulge in folly.... We are separated from them so much that when we are with them we should perseveringly labor to knit their hearts to us that when we are absent we can have influence over them. I saw that we should instruct them with sobriety and yet with kindness and patience; take an even course. Satan is busy to tempt our children and lead them to be forgetful and to indulge in folly that we may be disheartened and grieved and then take a course to censure and find fault with them in a spirit which will only injure and discourage them instead of helping them.MOL 58.8

“I saw that there had been a wrong in laughing at their sayings and doings and then when they err, bearing down upon them with much severity, even before others, which destroys their fine and sensitive feelings and makes it a common thing to be censured for trifles and mistakes, and places accidents and mistakes upon the same level with sins and actual wrong. Their dispositions will become soured and we shall sever the cord which unites them to us and gives us influence with them.... We have been in danger of expecting our children to have a more perfect experience than their age warrants us to expect....MOL 58.9

“Our children love us and will yield to reason, and kindness will have a more powerful influence than harsh reproof. The spirit and influence which have surrounded our children require us to restrain them and draw them from young company and deny them privileges that children commonly have enjoyed. If we take the course in these things which it is our duty to take, we should ever have our words and acts perfectly reasonable to our children, that their reflection may not be embittered with harsh words or words spoken in a severe manner. It leaves a wound or sting upon their spirits which destroys their love for their parents and the influence of their parents over them.” ^{36Manuscript 8, 1862.}MOL 59.1

For Ellen White, her children were high priority. ^{37“Although the cares that came upon us in connection with the publishing work and other branches of the cause involved much perplexity, the greatest sacrifice which I was called to make in connection with the work was to leave my children frequently to the care of others.” Life Sketches of Ellen G. White, 165.} Her diary entries, letters to others and to her sons, all indicate her unending concern for them, especially their spiritual growth. ^{38See Jerry Allen Moon, W. C. White and Ellen G. White (Berrien Springs, MI: Andrews University Press, 1993), pp. 34-42.} She took their shortcomings as well as her own very seriously. After a difficult encounter with young Edson, she wrote in her diary: “Had an interview with Edson. Felt distressed beyond measure, feeling that it was not conducted wisely.” ^{39Manuscript 12, 1868.}MOL 59.2

A few have wondered about certain expressions Ellen White used in some letters to her children in the early 1860s. In her tender love, she appealed to their soul in many ways. In 1860, she was speaking to children between ages 6 and 13. Trying to make the big picture clear in simple language, this 33-year-old mother used language at times that was more like theological shorthand, especially when she wrote that the Lord loves children “who try to do right” but “wicked children God does not love.” ^{40An example of letters from Ellen White to young, six-year-old Willie revealed her motherly attempts to keep him focused on cheerful obedience: “You must be a good, sweet, little boy, and love to obey Jenny [Fraser] and Lucinda [Hall]. Give up your will, and when you wish to do anything very much, inquire, Is it not selfish? You must learn to yield your will and your way. It will be a hard lesson for my little boy to learn, but it will in the end be worth more to him than gold.” “Learn, my dear Willie, to be patient, to wait others’ time and convenience; then you will not get impatient and irritable. The Lord loves those little children who try to do right, and He has promised that they shall be in His kingdom. But wicked children God does not love. He will not take them to the beautiful City, for He only admits the good, obedient, and patient children there. One fretful, disobedient child, would spoil all the harmony of heaven. When you feel tempted to speak impatient and fretful, remember the Lord sees you, and will not love you if you do wrong. When you do right and overcome wrong feelings, the Lord smiles upon you. “Although He is in heaven, and you cannot see Him, yet He loves you when you do right, and writes it down in His book; and when you do wrong, He puts a black mark against you. Now, dear Willie, try to do right always, and then no black mark will be set down against you; and when Jesus comes He will call for that good boy Willie White, and will put upon your head a wreath of gold, and put in your hand a little harp that you can play upon, and it will send forth beautiful music, and you will never be sick, never be tempted then to do wrong; but will be happy always, and will eat of rich fruit, and will pluck beautiful flowers. Try, try, dear boy, to be good. Your affectionate Mother.” [“By the blessing of God and his mother’s instruction, Willie has overcome the impatient spirit which he sometimes manifested when quite young, and he now possesses a most affectionate, amiable, and obedient disposition.” A.P.P.]—Ellen White, An Appeal, 62-63. A careful look at the whole letter (and her total writings on child guidance) suggests strongly that when Ellen White wrote that “wicked children God does not love,” she meant that ultimately children who continue to be “wicked” will not be taken to heaven.}MOL 59.3

Just as we must consider some difficult Biblical texts within the total Biblical context, we must do the same with Ellen White. For example, in Deuteronomy 7:9, 10, we note that God “repays those who hate Him to their face, to destroy them. He will not be slack with him who hates Him; He will repay him to his face. Therefore you shall keep the commandment, the statutes, and the judgments which I command you today, to observe them.” By itself this sounds harsh, but when placed in the context of the whole Bible (such as Isaiah 1:18-20; Jeremiah 31:3 John 3:16, 17; John 14-17) its true meaning becomes clear.MOL 59.4

Note the larger context of Ellen White’s counsel to parents (1892): “Jesus would have the fathers and mothers teach their children ... that God loves them, that their natures may be changed, and brought into harmony with God. Do not teach your children that God does not love them when they do wrong; teach them that He loves them so that it grieves His tender Spirit to see them in transgression, because He knows they are doing injury to their souls. Do not terrify your children by telling them of the wrath of God, but rather seek to impress them with His unspeakable love and goodness, and thus let the glory of the Lord be revealed before them.” ^{41The Signs of the Times, February 15, 1892; “His [Jesus] heart is drawn out, not only to the best behaved children, but to those who have by inheritance objectionable traits of character. Many parents do not understand how much they are responsible for these traits in their children.... But Jesus looks upon these children with pity. He traces from cause to effect.” The Desire of Ages, 517.}MOL 59.5

In other circumstances, she clearly made a difference between God’s loving a person and endorsing what that person may be doing. ^{42See Testimonies for the Church 2:558-565, for a sensitive letter to an indulged teenager.}MOL 59.6

In clear theological terms, she set forth the fact that character determines destiny. Even a loving God will not refashion people’s character after their death in order to redeem them. ^{43Christ’s Object Lessons, 74, 84, 123 Testimonies for the Church 2:355, 356.}MOL 59.7

Yet, how much theology can a six-year-old understand? God had the same challenge when He instructed the recently freed Israelites after their exodus from Egypt. He used kindergarten language and methods—including the sandbox illustration of the desert sanctuary service—for that was the only language level they could understand. Sometimes the threat of disapproval and punishment can get the attention of six-year-olds and recently delivered Israelites when “love talk” would have no impact.MOL 59.8

Ellen White used both methods when dealing with her boys, apparently with good effect. ^{44Note her oldest son’s attitude toward his parents and his imminent death—page 58.} The record contains numerous instances in which she talked to her sons about a friendly God, on many occasions praying with them about their spiritual growth. If young Ellen was to be confronted with a possible misunderstanding of her words, she would quickly say what, in substance, she later wrote out more completely: What I meant—and I believe what the boys understood—was that God will not condone disobedience, even though He always loves little boys and girls, good or bad. Disobedience has tough consequences, and God, in love, doesn’t want them to experience the costs of disobedience. ^{45See previous footnotes, citing Signs, Feb. 15, 1892, and The Desire of Ages, 517.}MOL 60.1

A large portion of Ellen White’s counsel to the church focuses on the importance of the home and the positive atmosphere in which children should develop. The two books, Adventist Home and Child Guidance (compilations from hundreds of her diaries, manuscripts, and sermons), have been gratefully studied by thousands of men and women. One would have difficulty finding any other writer who has focused so clearly or graphically on the high calling of the Christian mother and father. Her lucid summons for all parents to realize their enormous responsibility in leading their children heavenward is legendary.MOL 60.2

Ellen White gave counsel only after she had first practiced it. For instance: “Oh,’ say some mothers, ‘my children bother me when they try to help me.’ So did mine, but do you think I let them know it? Praise your children. Teach them, line upon line, precept upon precept. This is better than reading novels, better than making calls, better than following the fashions of the world.” ^{46The Adventist Home, 289.}MOL 60.3

Although Mrs. White is best known as a remarkable public figure, for those who knew her best she was a consistent Christian mother and wife who maintained a close and tender relationship with her husband and children.MOL 60.4