Counsel #21 — Unspoken Words

Picture: Counsel #21 — Unspoken WordsCR 197.1

In marriage, the silent treatment isn’t conflict resolution; it’s a form of contempt. Deliberately refusing to communicate with your spouse to punish or control is manipulative. It sends the message, “I don’t respect you enough to properly communicate or connect.” Over time, this emotional withdrawal makes your spouse feel unloved, anxious, and unsure of the relationship’s future.^{[204] https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/how-to-deal-with-the-silent-treatment/} CR 197.2

Silence may seem like a safe default when you’re hurt or overwhelmed, but it never solves the root issue. Jesus never ignored His disciples—instead, He asked questions, extended grace, and patiently redirected them. God’s design for marriage calls us to bring issues into the light. Speaking your heart with humility and respect honors the marital covenant you share, while silence only builds walls of distance and resentment. If you’re arguing with your spouse and you need to step away to regain composure, say so! Don’t just refuse to speak. Instead, saying something like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now; can we pause and talk in thirty minutes?” will show your spouse that you value them. Bitterness and silence that linger will cause division to grow, but peace arises when issues are resolved in love.CR 197.3

“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Ephesians 4:26 NIVCR 197.4

“Many a wife has sickened and died prematurely for the want of encouraging words of sympathy and love manifested in kindly attentions and in words.” Ellen White in Letter 27 , 1872CR 197.5

Reflect: Have you ever been guilty of giving “the silent treatment” to your spouse? How did you make amends?CR 197.6